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CHUD’s 2006 Babe Draft Commentary (alyson hannigan mention)

Brian Wehman

Wednesday 9 August 2006, by Webmaster

Good Day, Nick here.

Since the late 90’s (except for 2005, which was my "dark year at CHUD.com") we’ve done a CHUD Babe Draft. It used to be a little creepier back in the day, a concept of an island populated by Chewers complete with each of these handpicked "harems" of the best and brightest and bounciest dames in Hollywood’s arsenal. Now, it’s just a fun thing for bragging rights or a chance to showcase good or really bad taste amongst a cross section of the veteran message board presences. This year I felt it’d be fun to complement the draft with a running commentary by a handful of folks, the first being Brian Wehman. His fun and sometimes freakish words follow.

Oh, and if you didn’t know... this isn’t for the straight-laced and demure readers. Nah, this is more for the raging perverts and borderline freakshows. Now here’s Brian’s commentary for yesterday’s round one.


Only a few minutes away from the first pick, and the internet (as well as cocks covered by belly fat) is thick with anticipation. The CHUD Babe draft is the stuff of legends and rumor has it that many a film role has been recast based off the preferences of the sweaty palmed men who post here.

First "picker" is better known as Ratty on the message boards and he has the pressure of picking the hottest woman in movies. Chris Allen, who used his first pick in the February ’04 draft to pick Naomi Watts follows Ratty. Stew picks third, followed by Dean Curtis who used his first pick in the Fall ’04 draft on Diane Kruger. Finally in fifth is Kirby Drummond who would be hopeful to get Eva Mendes again, his first pick in the February ’04 babe draft. As a bonus, having Dave Davis pick in the top ten guarantees that the definition of hot young women, will get even younger.

Let’s get it on!


I think Rosario Dawson is a fine first pick, but what I would consider a "trendy" one.

Every year, there seems to be babes who draftee’s fall in love with, mostly because they are very present within the internet and geek community. Rosario is fresh off exchanging spit with a chubby, bad facial hair, obscenity spewing "geek", in a movie written by a geek who most chastise, but the majority would give their pud-spanking hand to change places with. This new found geek-cred, gives her a definitive two legs up in the air (and spread wide open) over the competition. That being said, as a chubby, bad facial hair, potty mouth - I don’t blame Ratty one bit.

Chris Allen - you are on the clock.


I’m not sure how the commissioner would rule, but Chris Allen was not available for his pick and Stew was not once to sit around and wait for a chance to miss out on the hotness, so he swoops right in and picks Jessica Alba. The only thing more invisible than her acting in F4, is her clothes in most magazine shoots. For this, Jessica - we salute you, one "pup tent" at a time.

I think this a great pick, that just can’t be argued with. Sure her acting is more stiff than the bugle in pants of most males with a mouse, but we are not picking on talent here - unless you consider talent a great rack and "fantastic" ass.


Apparently, Dean Curtis was hoping for a repeat of the Winter ’04 draft when he took Scarlett Johansson in the first round, and with the third pick in this draft, the blonde beauty is taken off the board. I’m not sure what other drafters are thinking in their war rooms, but this is a pick that I support 100%. I think Scarlett is a classic beauty.

After appearing in numerous thankless roles, she burst onto the scene in LOST IN TRANSLATION and her odd May-December relationship with Bill Murray gave us all a bit of hope. Everyone wonders what she whispered into his ear at the end of the film, and I like to think is had something to do with anal beads and Crisco.

I had Johansson going number five to Kirby Drummond, but I should have known that humans are creatures of habit - and apparently Mr. Curtis was pleased with what Johansson added to his draft two years and he doesn’t hesitate to bring her home once again.


Kirby Drummond didn’t take a wrong turn with pick number four, but definitely sent some drafters scrambling. By taking the sweet Canuck known as Emmanuelle Chriqui, he has demonstrated that he is here to play.


Only one hour till will find out if this whole thing is a Dateline NBC setup and Chris Hansen comes on here to confront Dave Davis as to why has condoms and Mike’s Hard Lemonade next to his keyboard.


The English beauty Kate Beckinsdale goes fifth in our first girl on girl pick by Eileen. Having worked with Michael Bay and been associated with vampires, werewolves, and black leather - I think Kate is an obvious top ten pick. Not to mention she starred in a movie in 2000 called THE GOLDEN BOWL, which forms a mental picture that would get me arrested in several countries.


The action is starting to heat up with three fast picks. Eva Mendes, or the fur burrito as I call her, gets picked sixth by donde, and no one will complain about that.

Chris Allen makes up for missing the second overall pick by nabbing Charlize Theron with pick seven. Watching her naked breasts get devoured by Keanu Reeves in THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE still ranks as one of my favorite on screen sex scenes. Plus, she was able to get ugly yet still have sex with chicks in MONSTER, then don all leather for AEON FLUX. Bonus points!

Salma Hayek comes in at number eight (by otisthecat) and she could have the sexist scene ever in movies if it wasn’t for Quentin Tarantino’s over-sized skull and five-head getting in the way in FROM DUSK TILL DAWN. I know I wasn’t the only drunk who would drink whiskey off of those scrumptious legs. Although, since her role in FRIDA, I have moved her down a few notches. I am into a lot of freaky shit, but uni-brows ain’t one of them.


Talk about lunch served fast, hot, and dripping with man sauce - my lunch break saw four lovely ladies go to the wrong men.

Dave Davis stays above the legal limit picking Jessica Biel in the number nine slot. The thought of her in a wife beater running from a maniac with a mask made of human skin gives me pleasure to no end. Now, if I only I could show her the eighth level of heaven that she has so been missing.

JPT picks the woman I want to call "mummy" several times over in Rachel Weiz. I would gladly show the tenth babe chosen today my fountain and all the liquid it contains.

The Italian stallion of women, Monica Belluci, goes off the board at number eleven to Christopher Read. She looks to be full of passion, and I could only hope to hear her yell Jesus’ name over and over again. I have a soft spot (and a hard-on) for dark-haired beauties and she was a pick that I thought could drop to me later today. Also, at 41, she is the oldest woman taken so far.

The New York born hottie Stacey Dash, becomes the twelfth woman taken in the 2006 Babe Draft. Micah Robinson is apparently not clueless when it comes to women, because I had completely forgotten about this Nubian princess. On a side note, I had no idea she was 40 years old. Making her the second oldest woman taken, as she is eight months older than Salma Hayek.


Matt Goldberg may come to the party late (missing his slot by four picks), but right now I think he is cumming all over pictures of his red-haired witch, Alyson Hannigan. She certainly is no angel as she took a musical instrument for a ride on the vaginal highway. Now if we can figure a way to get a skin flute in her hands and see what happens.

While Hannigan is attractive, I think thirteen is a too high for the DC born actress. Having starred in TV shows all about kicking vampire ass, and showing she has a sense of humor in the AMERICAN PIE franchises and the recently released DATE MOVIE obviously gives her some geek-cred.

She turned 32 four months ago, so you know her biological clock is ticking. I suppose once she finally pops out the debit cards with legs, I could tell the story of how I met your Mother I Like to Fuck.


While attending a meeting, listening to my boss ramble on about how we need to be more productive and exceed our goals through hard work and dedication, all I could think about is what delicious piece of flesh would be scrutinized next.

Apparently it’s our number 14 pick, Eva Green. This French beauty will be seen next in CASINO ROYALE, hopefully wearing next to nothing like the many Bond girls before her. GFC was apparently fond of her from her big break in THE DREAMERS, and I agree. While watching that film, all I could dream about was me & her moving in a fat guy and hot chick blur.

Number 15 pick comes from Shelby. In our second (and hopefully not last) girl on girl pick, we get Emilie de Ravin. I’d love to get "lost" in her pants and get my eyes on her hills.

Apparently being in LA has made Slater go all Hollywood, because his pick is starring in the number one movie this year. Keira Knightley’s ultra hot body and boner causing accent makes a fine number 16 pick. I’d love to bend her over my knee and spank the pride and prejudice right out of her. Contrary to popular belief her chest is very much alive, and when I got done with her, Arthur would be her pool boy and I would be the king.


A little know fact, but our number 17 pick, Jordana Brewster starred in a movie D.E.B.S which stands for Did Everything Brian Said. She isn’t a someone with an uber-slamming body, but I was so aroused while watching ANNAPOLIS a few weeks ago that I had to take her. Sure, James Franco is a piece of man meat, but I am hoping that is was her that was making my heart beat fast and furious.


Anyawatchin what? Anya is watching hot bald chicks enter the draft. Our number 18 pick, Natalie Portman, pulled a Sinead O’ Conner in last years V FOR VENDETTA and it proved a great career move for the Israeli born actress, and further cemented her credentials on the fanboy circuit. After causing tons of nerds to get their first boner, this generations Star Wars babe didn’t wear a gold bikini, but sure looked good in the midichlorian-filled future. This 26 year old can not only act, but looks fabulous doing so. Not to mention most movie fans have been thinking of ways to violate her since she was jailbait with Jean Reno back in 1994.


Draft Commissioner Nick Nunziata missed his draft spot by two picks, but still gets quite a looker. Every single poster here would love kiss, kiss, bang, bang, rim job, rim job this 30 year old babe from Iowa. Our number 19 pick, Michelle Monaghan, was bourne supremely fuckable.


Wow, after a slow afternoon, we have three women picked in less than seven minutes.

The mother of all MILF’s, Angelina Jolie, is our number 20 pick. Martianman takes one for the team and finally gets this boner collector off the board. I don’t think anyone would interrupt this girl if she was committing the original sin with them, but I am quite sure they would be done in less than sixty seconds. If any of us could get a hold of those lips, I’m sure we would push a helluva lot more than tin.

After a little debate, former teen signer Mandy Moore becomes our number 21 pick. This 22 year old babe from New Hampshire now sits atop gravedigger’s list. Even though she changes her hairstyle more than my racing stripe filled briefs, I’d love to experience some romance and then a cigarette with this bronzed honey.

Andrew Sweeney is a few picks late and apparently not scared off by psycho women, because at number 22 we have Katie Holmes. I delivered a gift in my pants the first time I saw her on screen in DAWSON’S CREEK and she could teach my Mr. Tingle any time she wanted. This new entry into the MILF club (maybe?) seems a little tainted now given her new found religion, and we aren’t sure if she has lost her pregnancy weight just yet. In the 2004 draft, I could see this wonder girl going in the first round, but I think this pick is too early this year.


Richard Dickson picks number 23, and nabs a first round sleeper. Anne Hathaway’s dirty diaries are something that most of us would like to see. Hot, in that girl next door who you would watch change from your bedroom with binoculars in one hand, your shaft in another, and tissues in between your toes way, Dickson may appear to have hoodwinked all of us by stealing this young beauty in round one.

From the time she first appeared with duct tape across her nipples, I have had a throbbing interest in Milla Jovovich. Apparently so did fabfunk, as he grabbed her at number 24. She got game, but I think fabfunk may be a dummy, because she probably would have lasted until round two. Don’t get me wrong, Milla can reside at my house anytime, but she has always come across a little to white/Euro trash for my taste. Random note: Milla was in the pilot for PARKER LEWIS CAN’T LOSE. Huh!?

Straight outta Canada comes pick number 25 - Lisa Ray. This smoking brunette doesn’t have the resume as a lot of the other girls, but that didn’t stop sunwukong from doing his homework. I wasn’t familiar with Lisa, but since I saw her picture, finding a nude picture online taken by some desperate tabloid journalist is my new quest.

From India comes Aishwarya Rai, selected by Crow at pick number 26. Even if she hasn’t appeared in a major US release (I guess BRIDE & PREJUDICE counts), I had to release my pants a bit to accommodate my swelling balls at the sight of Aishwarya. Good find Crow

9:00am (next day)

In what appears to be the final pick of round one, Starving Dog takes Eliza Dushku with the 27th pick. Dog isn’t a new guy in this draft, so why not pick a very nerd-worn vagina. She isn’t an angel, but I think Starving may have taken a wrong turn picking this her five (by five) rounds too early. Many teenage, goth males have felt that Eliza was their tru calling only to find out that it was a true lie. That being said, if Dushku showed up at my door, wearing a mini skirt (sans panties), and carrying a quadruple cheeseburger and case of beer, I would tell that naughty minx to bring it on.