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Opinion: The movie theater armrest (seth green mention)

Ryan Lorenzo

Friday 7 July 2006, by Webmaster

I went to a party recently, and I met a female by the Chex-mix bowl. I dug into the bowl and ate the wonderful snack while discarding the pretzels. The thin brunette was wearing casual clothes and drinking liquid from a plastic red cup.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"1:30," I said.

After about five minutes of that dialogue going back and forth, I decided to change the subject. I was talking about how Ronald Reagan punked Walter Mondale in the 1984 election, and she was talking about how Ashton Kutcher punk’d Seth Green on an MTV show.

We had a fabulous night of good conversation, and she gave me her number before the cops broke up the party. The neighbors complained because we played Kanye West too loud. Why weren’t there complaints when we played Pat Boone?

A couple of days went by, and I decided to call her. We had another good conversation. We talked about Brad and Angelina, Tom and Katie, and Bruce Willis and his mustache. A date was made, and we decided to go see "Nacho Libre" that night.

I called up a friend of mine for advice. I asked him if I should place my hand on her knee or around her shoulder. He had no idea what I was talking about, but he did tell me that I should move the movie theater armrest up.

I picked up my date, got tickets and entered the theater. Harkins has a strict policy in which the female employees are mandated to dress like men.

We sat down in the semi-reclining chair. Every time I reclined back, the chair moved me forward. I looked down at the armrest, or as I call it, the Berlin Wall. Her arm consumed this side, and I was going crazy trying to figure out how I could lift the armrest up. Then it hit me.

"Hey, can you get some snacks if I give you some money?" I said.

"Sure, what do you want?" she asked.

"Chex mix? Dunkaroos? Those giant, chewable Sweetarts? I don’t know. What do they have?" I asked.

"Um, popcorn," she said.

"Okay, that works. And get a drink too please," I said.

She left to go purchase the popcorn and soda, and I swiftly moved the armrest up. Then I moved it back down. I did not know what to do. I thought she would think it was weird that suddenly the armrest was up after she left. Maybe she wanted the armrest up. I don’t know. I just wanted to watch the movie from the director of "Napolean Dynamite," the writer of "School of Rock" and the cinematographer of "Ghost Dad."

I saw her walking up the stairs, and I quickly moved the armrest back up. She handed me the bag of popcorn and sat down.

She moved the armrest down, placed the soda cup in the armrest cup holder, and we watched the movie.