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Don’t you think if Spike were "the character that destroyed BtVS" Joss wouldn’t have kept him around for all those years...?
Joss doesn’t seem like the type to give in to the popularity of an actor. He seemed to be as intrigued with the character’s potential as most of Buffy’s fans were.
By the way, Buffy wasn’t destroyed...it passed on with dignity before it ran out of steam (unlike other shows *cough* Friends *cough*).