Angel

Episode 5:12
You're Welcome:  Gone But Never Forgotten
By:  Betsy Lusby
Written by:  David Fury
Directed by:  David Fury
Original Air Date:  February 4, 2004

“Every now and then we find a special friend,
who never lets us down, who understands it all,
reaches out each time you fall,
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay, a part of you will never ever go away
your heart will stay
I'll make a wish for you and hope it will come true
if life will just be kind to such a gentle mind
and if you lose your way, think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way”

“Remember Me This Way” - Jordan Hill

Cordelia Chase, you remember her?  She's the other half of Angel.  She's the sassy, honest, straightforward, funny, charmingly tactless, cool, vain and beautiful girl we first met and came to love (or hate).  Upon graduation from high school, she left Sunnydale and moved to LA to try her hand at acting.  After a chance encounter with Angel at a party, she joined him in his quest for redemption.

Working with Angel the last four years, we've seen a great metamorphosis.  She's maintained all that she was in Sunnydale, but she has also become so much more.  She's become a heroic, practical, loving, compassionate, brave woman, who is also a very loyal friend to Angel.  She's been there since the beginning - through all his up's and down's.  The last four years have been like watching a caterpillar break out of its cocoon and become a beautiful butterfly.

Cordelia has gone from cheerleader and homecoming queen to secretary, vision girl, warrior, and higher being.  She's been the speaker of truth and became the heart that has long been dead in Angel.  She's helped prop him up and set him back on his path when he's strayed too far off his chosen path.

Once again, when Angel needs her most, there's Cordelia.  Ready to do anything to help her friend, who she loves so very much.

So here we are - Cordy's swan song, her last hurrah!!

What is it with the freaking PTB's?  Where have they've been lately?  Sitting back in their Easy-Boy recliners, taking in the events going on in L.A.?  I mean they really haven't been around much since Season 3.  The last time we saw or heard from them, Angel was trying to get their help in saving Cordy in “Birthday.”  They refused, of course.

They were MIA during the whole Connor kidnapping fiasco and Angel's deep swim with the fishes as Season 3 closed out.  They didn't put in an appearance either during the whole Jasmine thing, and we find out that Skip and some others have been manipulating things all along.

Now finally, half way through Season 5, the PTB's have decided to get off their collective asses and do something to help Angel.  All I have to say is, “It's about damn time!!!”  Why now?  Do they want Angel to stay with Wolfram & Hart for some reason?  Is Angel's walking away the only reason they have decided to do something?

So how do they help Angel?  Well, they give Cordy a vision while she's in a coma, which then wakes her up.  At the same time, Angel announces to his crew back at the offices that he's resigning, but they try to talk him out of it.  He's not pleased at all with this.  The phone rings.  I'm assuming its Cordy calling him from the hospital.  Why do I think it's her and not the hospital?  Well, it was pointed out by one of my fellow Angellites on the Carpe Noctem board.  Actually, when I went back and viewed this episode again, it made perfect sense.  When Angel and Wes enter Cordy's room, they see a body on the bed with the curtain half drawn.  Then Cordy appears, closing the curtain all the way.  The importance of this action will be clear by the end of the episode when the hospital calls.

So the PTB's granted Cordy's request to help Angel one last time, since they owed her one.  So why did they owe her?  Was it a way for them to make up to her what she went through last season?  We don't know and probably never will.  But that's really not important to this episode.

What I found really interesting was that she remembered everything that happened last season.  So now it's only Angel, Cordy and Eve who know.  I wonder why the mind wipe didn't work with her.  Did the PTB do something so that it wouldn't affect her?  Or, did they do something when she woke up so that she would remember?  It's a conspiracy I tell ya.

Angel spends a good deal of the first half of the episode trying to convince Cordy and himself (I think), that they made a good decision in accepting Wolfram & Hart's offer.  I'm really surprised he says this with such a straight face, as he really doesn't believe they've been doing much good at all since coming to Wolfram & Hart.

“Setback, Wes?  Status quo.  Evil wins because instead of just wiping it out, we negotiate with it or worse for it.”

Cordy picks up on this.  She was always so good at feeling Angel out and knowing when he's trying to fool himself, and her for that matter.  So on he goes, trying to convince her, and I think in a lot ways trying to still convince himself, “. . . with these resources?  There's nothing we can't do, no one we can't save.”  Cordy replies, “Except maybe yourself.”  There you have it boys and girls - the reason Cordy is back - to help Angel save himself, and boy is he in need of a big dose of saving. 

It looks like he isn't even trying to help himself, and I don't really feel the others are either.  Oh sure they are all worried about his mood swings, his disconnection and then his desire to quit.  But what have they really done to help?  All Wesley has done is bring up that Shanshu Prophecy, which Angel doesn't really believe will come to pass or if it did, then it will go to Spike.  But Wes keeps insisting that Angel needs to hold on to the Prophecy as being his.  It's what will keep him going.

In some ways, I find this quite ludicrous.  Sure in some unknown time, many years down the road, the prophecy may (or may not) come to pass.  I don't think this is what Angel needs to hang onto for the long haul.  I think it's his friends that will help him hold on.  But I don't see that coming from them at this time.  They are all so caught up in their own jobs and their new toys.  Angel needs to take small steps.  He needs to be vigilant in remembering his goal - to seek redemption by helping the helpless, not be sitting in an office signing contracts in his blood.

But here's Cordy, she's always been able to see and cut through the bull that Angel tries to feed her.  She gets right to heart of the matter with him every time and she's not afraid to get right in his face about it and stand her ground.  She's always been like that.

So we have Angel continuing to explain his reasons for taking over Wolfram & Hart.  Cordy isn't buying it; not one little bit.  The elevator doors open and Eve emerges.  She hasn't a clue who Cordy is.  She just interrupts to tell Angel that the Senior Partners are unhappy losing $10 million in bail money for a client that jumped dimensions, rather than risk court.  According to Eve, the murderous sacrifice of five nuns that the client used as part of his dimensional jump, can be handled.  She pretends to just notice Cordy and asks Angel who she is.  Cordy being Cordy says, “I'm Cordelia Chase.” (which she did in her best Queen C voice).  Eve starts to introduce herself, but Cordy just says, “I didn't ask.”  How classic is that.

Eve has met the formidable Cordelia Chase and has been trounced!  Cordy sure has given the cryptic, self-important Eve pointers on how to be intimidating and someone to reckon with.  Now, Angel dismisses her.

“And I'll let you walk out of here with your head still attached to your body.”

I'm not sure, but when Angel walked into his bedroom later in the day and found Cordy watching the video of Doyle doing the advertisement commercial that Cordy had cooked up (“Hero”), I was wondering if that was on purpose for Angel's benefit?  I just thought the timing was perfect since the message Doyle was giving the “audience” is the same that Cordy is going to try to communicate to Angel throughout this episode. 

“Our rates are low, but our standards are high.  When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope you need someone that you can count on.  And that's what you'll find here - someone that will go all the way, no matter what.  So don't lose hope.  . . . you'll see that there's still heroes in this world."

This is obviously painful for Angel to see and he even admits he hasn't watched it in quite a while.  He even, in fact, turns his head away from the image of Doyle on the TV screen.  He's always felt very guilty about what happened with Doyle sacrificing himself instead of Angel.  Angel has always thought it should have been him, not his good friend Doyle.  Cordy now puts some perspective on this for Angel.

“First soldier down . . . He pissed me off so righteously going out like that.  But he knew . . . knew what he had to do.  Didn't compromise.  Used his last breath to make sure you'd keep fighting.  I get that now.”

Cordy thinks Angel has been seduced by all the new gadgets and fine things he's been given by Wolfram & Heart.  (But this bothered me.  She should know Angel better.  He's not the type to be seduced by material things.  He just isn't wired that way - at least that's what I think and I would think Cordy would know that too.)

Cordy:  “That's right pal.  They've dazzled you with shiny objects and beautiful things and there is no reason you could give me for . . .”

Angel:  “Connor.”

Cordy wants to know where he is and Angel goes on to explain that they don't remember him.  He then fills her in on the deal he made with Wolfram & Hart.

“It's part of my agreement to take this job.  The Senior Partners altered reality.  They gave Connor a life, a real family, a childhood.  Something I could never give him.  He's got no memories of us and nobody remembers him.  Except me and you.  And Eve for some reason.”

Angel doesn't apologize to Cordy for his decision.  He feels he made the right decision.

“He was about to kill you and himself.  He was so torn up, I didn't have any other way to stop him, any way to help him.  Connor's happy now.”

He continues on about the good work they've done, but Cordy isn't buying it.  If it was fine and dandy, then why would the PTB have given her the vision of Angel in trouble?  Obviously he needs their help and apparently they are still on his side.

But according to Angel, the PTB aren't on his side anymore and they have a new champion - Spike. 

“He's got a soul now and he saved the world.  He's out there on the streets, you know, helping the  . . . the helpless.”

Angel isn't know for sharing his feelings and admitting when he's feeling lost.  But with Cordy he's been able to do this and it's nice to see again.  She's always been there for him and he has learned to rely and trust her with his whole being.  She is what he's been missing since last season.

Cordy:  “I naturally assumed you'd e lost without me . . . but this?”

Angel:  “I am lost without you.”

Cordy:  “You just forgot who you are.”

Angel:  “Remind me.”

Cordy:  “Oh no.  That's for you to figure out, bubba.  I can tell you who you were.  A guy who always fought his hardest for what was right.  Even when he couldn't remember why, even when he was miserable, which was - let's face it - a not small portion of the time.  He did right and that gave him something . . .  a light . . . a glimmer, and that's the guy I fell in l . . . that uh . . . the guy I knew.  I see him around here and maybe I'll start believing.”

But right now the Angel she knew isn't around anymore and she needs to get him back, which does happen.  They find out about the failsafe in the basement and that Lindsey has returned and jonsing for some major payback.  They also know now that Eve is working with Lindsey, and as liaison with the Senior Partners.  But is she with Lindsey, screwing over the SP's or vice versa?

While Cordy tries to dismantle the failsafe, Angel and Lindsey begin a big, matrix fight.  Can someone please explain to me why, when the good guy is on the ropes and it looks like the bad guy is going win, does the bad guy proceed to taunt and crow to the good guy?  I never understood this, because all it does is piss the good guy off and give him the fire he needs to get back up and defeat the bad guy.  This happens all the time.  When will the bad guy ever learn, huh?  Lindsey has just majorly kicked Angel's ass.  Somehow Lindsey got super-strength and some magical powers.  He thrusts a sword (which miraculously grew from a very small knife) into Angel's heart.  You would have thought then that Lindsey would have gone after Cordy, who is still trying to dismantle the failsafe.  But no, Lindsey just stays there looking down at Angel and gleefully taunting him.

Lindsey:  “Who's this?  Who is this?  I came to fight the vampire with a soul.  Guess you shouldn't have sold it, huh?  Look at you . . .  from champion to  pathetic corporate puppet in just a few months.  You used to have fire in your heart.  Now all you got in there is that big hunk of sword.  How does that feel champ?”

Angel:  “Could be worse . . . it could have been made out of wood, you dumb ass.”

Dumb ass is right.  Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey . . . you are smart, but where is your common sense.  For being so stupid, you get what you deserve - defeat.  That was what I was thinking while watching this scene, as well as urging Angel on.

Angel:  “All those tattoos . . . all those new tricks you learned just doesn't matter.  Doesn't matter what you try (punch) . . . Doesn't matter where I am or how badass you think you've become. (punch) Cause you know what?  I'm Angel.  I beat the bad guys.”

Now this is the Angel that we have been missing this season - confident, sure of himself.  Oh, how different would have that fight been in “Destiny” if Angel had this fire?  But in actuality, I think he needed to lose that fight to Spike.  He had to be defeated in “Destiny” and he had to fall further in “Soul Purpose.”  Now with Cordy's urging, he will be able to take the first step in pulling himself from the hole he's buried in.

But even after dispensing of Lindsey, and shutting down the failsafe, Angel still finds something to brood about.  He does feel good for defeating Lindsay, but so like Angel, he feels bad about it.  How classically Angel is that?

Cordy:  “My god, you are a piece of work.”

Angel:  “I just don't' feel like I deserve, I mean . . . all I did was beat up a tiny Texan.  Not like I was helping anyone.”

Cordy:  “Sure you did.”

Angel:  “Who?”

Cordy:  “Boy, I really do fall for the dumb ones.  You know how you're always trying to save, oh like every single person in the world?  Did it ever occur to you you're one of them?”

Angel:  “No, I never did.”

Cordy:  “Well, you made the list gorgeous and you needed some help.”

Angel:  “And you were the one that helped me.”

Cordy:  “Oh, I did my part.”

Can you imagine the Cordy from Sunnydale or even early on in L.A., being so modest about her part in helping Angel?  My, my how our little girl has grown.

Angel finally realizes that he can do his job and work within Wolfram & Hart.  Whether or not this is even possible is still unknown.  But Angel now feels he (they) can beat it.  Now that he believes it, Cordy does too.

Okay, I'll admit I'm confused.  Was this the PTB's goal all along?  Keep Angel at Wolfram & Hart?  Why?  While he's busy there, who will help the helpless?  The PTB's always had a plan for Angel.  I thought it was to save people and their souls, and along the way atone for his viciousness as Angelus.  Is this just a test for Angel to see if he's worthy to be their Champion?  Or is this just the first step in a contest between the two souled vampires, Angel and Spike?

Maybe it is, but I still don't understand it.  Maybe since Spike is hanging around, they are going to use him for their benefit to back up Angel at Wolfram and Hart and possibly help those in L.A. that are in need of help.  If this is their plan, then they are in for a bumpy ride with Spike.  But hey, he needs a path too, and two vampires with a soul should definitely help tip the scales in their favor.

So Cordy did her job.  Now she must go.  She won't be able to see Angel accomplish what she knows he'll be able do.

Cordy:  “I can't stay.  This isn't me anymore.  You can say goodbye to the gang for me . . . explain everything once you understand.”

Angel:  “That's gonna be never . . . I need you here.”

Cordy:  “Don't make this hard Angel.  I'm just on a different road and this is my off-ramp.”  The Powers That Be owed me one and I didn't waste it.  I got my guy back on track.”

Angel:  “Cordy, this is just . . .”

Cordy:  “We take what we can champ and do our best with it.  I'll be seeing you.  Oh what the hell . . . one for the road.”

She goes back to Angel and kisses him.  Finally, what I've been waiting for all episode.  This time, they aren't possessed by spirits.  They are just two very good friends in love with each other, knowing this is the only chance they'll have as it just wasn't meant to be.

Then as always, the damn phone interrupts and we find out for certain that the body in the bed at the beginning of the episode was Cordy's.  She never woke up before she died.  She completed her final mission as a member of the Fang Gang.  She helped the helpless for the last time.  She ensured that her friend, her champion, and her love was going to be okay and would be able to continue on his road to redemption.

The PTB may very well step away and stay silent again.  But they did send Angel a message by allowing Cordy to return.  He isn't alone in all this.  They are at least aware of how lost he's been feeling.  They've forced him to look at who he has become and now he better stop wallowing in despair and act like the warrior he is.

Cordelia is Angel's anamchara - the Gaelic word for "soul friend."  A "soul friend" is a person who provides coaching, support and guidance along the path toward fulfilling spiritual and mystical potential.  Even though Cordy is physically gone, he knows now that she will be watching and helping him on his journey and will probably somehow kick his ass if he staggers again, even if she must do it ethereally.

 “I don't need eyes to see the love you bring to me,
no matter where I go and I know that you'll be there
forever-more a part of me and everywhere I'll always care
And I'll be right behind your shoulder, watching you
I'll be standing by your side, all you do
and I won't ever leave as long as you believe,
you just believe.
I'll make a wish for you and hope it will come true
if life will just be kind to such a gentle mind
and if you lose your way, think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way”

“Remember Me This Way” - Jordan Hill

Thank you Cordelia Chase, for the sassiness, the strength, the truth, the heart and the love.  But most importantly, thank you for being who you are and making no bones about it.  You will be sorely missed.

 

Other Thoughts & Musings

Finally, the kiss I've been wanting all episode.  You know, back in Season 3 when they were trying to get Angel and Cordy together, I just didn't see it.  I loved their friendship so much and how that relationship had developed.  I didn't want to lose that.  But this episode showed me that if was handled correctly, it would have worked.  I so felt it in this episode.  I was sad with the knowledge that it would never be now.

What is it with Wes.  Always warning Angel to watch out for those trying to get him to channel his darker side.  Isn't this a good reason for Angel to resign?  Wesley, do you still think of yourself as boss, thus coveting Angel's position?  You want it for yourself?

Okay, we so need a Gunn-centric episode.  He is so enamored with his brain upgrade, I just have a feeling some bad things are going to come about and that Gunn may have had a hand in them.  Will there a come a point where he's going to have to choose between his friends and his newfound feeling of superiority?

As for Spike - while I don't think he truly trusted “Doyle,” I do think he liked that he not has a “destiny.”  Now it appears that's lost since “Doyle” was using him to set up Angel.  I do loved that without even a hesitation, he offered to go with Angel to the sub-levels to try and get Lindsey.  Then he told Cordy and Angel to go ahead and he'll hold off the zombies.  Is it possible that he is now willing to help out Angel?  If he does, then what will Buffy have to say once she finds out he's still alive?  After all, we found out in “Damage” that she no longer trusts Angel now that he's running Wolfram & Hart.  Will that same distrust be shown to Spike?

Love the look of admiration Fred gave Wesley while he was working the dark mojo.  I'm hoping this is a good sign that she's seeing Wes in a different light.  I so want these two to get together.

Have we seen the last of Lindsey and Eve?  I sure hope not.  I'm still wondering who Eve really is and why she had it in for Angel from the beginning.  As for Lindsey, I just can't believe that the whole reason he was going after Angel to bring him down was because he felt Angel had taken what Lindsey thought was his.  After all, Lindsey left on his own.  No one forced him out.  When we saw him leave for good in “Dead End,” I thought that maybe we'd be seeing good things from him.  I have a feeling the story of Lindsey's is far from over.  There has to be more to it.

Favorite Quotes

Angel:  “He's a Wolfram & Hart client.  Our client.  Oh, and he's evil.  What are the odds?”

Angel:  “And I'm sure that legal brain upgrade they gave you has got nothing to do with it.”

Cordy:  “Maternal instincts aside, I hope you kicked its ass for me.”

Eve:  “Who's your friend, Angel?”
Cordy:  “I'm Cordelia Chase.”
Eve:  “Oh, my name is . . .”
Cordy:  “I didn't ask.”

Cordy:  “Okay, Spike's the hero and you're CEO of Hell Inc!  What freaking bizzaro world did I wake up in?”

Cordy:  “Spike.  Well, well . . . hear you weren't evil anymore, which kinds makes the hair silly.”

Spike:  “She's evil you gourmless tit.”
Cordy:  “Excuse me?  Who bit whom?”
Angel:  “Did you call me a tit?”
Cordy:  “I thought he had a soul.”
Spike:  “I thought she didn't.”
Cordy:  “I do!”
Spike:  “So do I!”
Cordy:  “Well, clearly mine is better!”
Spike:  “Look . . .”
Angel:  “I see fangs, I'm gonna play dentist.”

Cordy:  “Let's go Lilah Jr.”

Cordy:  “Get out of that chair and I'll feed you those Minolo Blahniks, which are stunning by the way.”

Cordy:  “Okay, this is getting us no where . . . Angel torture her.”

Harmony:  “Is this okay?  I mean, I am evil, technically.  I don't mind torturing her for the team.”

Harmony:  “She is?  Already?  Well, that sucks.”

Angel:  “She moves?  Eat her.”
Harmony:  “Really?  Thanks!”

Lindsey:  “A little something I picked up on Nepal.  You like it?”
Angel:  “They sell that crap at the airport.”

Cordy:  Oh crap!”

Lorne:  “We're unclean?  Like you're so April fresh.  You sure that thing said . . . uh . . . arterial blood? Why don't they ever need the urine of an unclean.  I've got plenty of unclean urine.  Look . . . uh . . . I think I'm making some right now.”

Angel:  “I'm Angel . . . I beat the bad guys!”

Cordy:  “Sweetie, your epidermis is showing.”

Lindsey:  “You don't think they're angry do you?”

Cordy:  “Oh, You're Welcome.”

Angel:  “Thank you.”