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Dalton Ross incurs the ire of Browncoats

Saturday 10 June 2006, by Webmaster


Wow. Wait, let me spell it backwards - wow. That’s all I can say after going through the insane amount of e-mails turned in last week, most of which were in reaction to my list of the Top 5 Shows to Never Make It Past Season 1. First off, the answer to last week’s trivia: What do all the honorable-mention series - The Ben Stiller Show, Undeclared, Action, and The Tick - have in common? A very popular guess was that they were all shows Judd Apatow worked on. Apatow did work on Undeclared and The Ben Stiller Show (as well as Freaks and Geeks), but the Apatow connection ends there. My favorite - and technically accurate - response comes from Michelle Reaves, whose answer was ’’They are all better than According to Jim.’’ But the truly correct answer, as many of you knew all too well, is that they were all canceled by Fox. Now, on to the rest of the mailbag...

I suspect I’m the 5,652nd person to ask this, but... have you not watched the one season of Firefly? - Tanya

Actually, Tanya, you were more like the 8,732nd. I knew by leaving Firefly (another Fox program!) off the list I would invite scorn and ridicule, but for me, it just didn’t make the cut. Not to imply I didn’t like the show, just not as much as the others. Here are some other programs that people nominated for the list: Earth 2, Wonderfalls, Love Monkey, John Doe, Space: Above and Beyond, Police Squad!, Karen Sisco, Now & Again, Keen Eddie, Book of Daniel, Surface, Invasion, Coronet Blue, Brimstone, Cupid, Odyssey 5, and Quark.

In fact, people were so into the list that they didn’t know where to stop (although I suppose anywhere before Surface probably would have been a good point). Here are some of the shows that lasted more than one season...yet people nominated them anyway: Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Joan of Arcadia, The Job, Arrested Development, Get a Life, Felicity, and Sports Night.

Dalton, I’ve been a faithful reader since you did the ’’What to Watch’’ column in the print EW. Anyway, I feel compelled to defend Jenny McCarthy as an, um, author. I have *cough* read *cough* her first two books. And um, they’re funny! Maybe you have to be a woman who has gone through pregnancy and childbirth to appreciate them. I’m assuming that isn’t you. - Stacey Tardif

I should make a point about the whole Jenny McCarthy thing. I got a lot of flak from some people for mocking the Jenny McCarthy book without reading it. The whole thing about it is - and maybe this did not come off clearly enough - I wasn’t trying to slam the book, but rather the fact that the onetime eye candy from Singled Out is up four books to my zero. In fact, I thought it was pretty clear that the person getting dissed and dismissed the most was yours truly.

I used to work at a Barnes & Noble, and you wouldn’t believe the number of copies of Jenny McCarthy’s book we moved. Surprisingly, it was usually uptight pregnant women and/or their mothers/mothers-in-law doing the purchase. I’d casually let it slip that she used to be a Playmate, and they’d usually say, ’’Oh, but she’s soooo funny!’’ Obviously, they never saw Dirty Love. Okay - that’s it. Now, go out and get yourself a TiVo already, okay? - Kevin Burk

Kevin, I can’t even program my iPod, so the home TiVo is going to have to wait a bit. I’ll get to it right after I figure out a way to corner the uptight-pregnant-woman market.

Hey Dalton, I was at the Cult and Bonham, too! Clear back in what...1991? Back when rock really RAWKED!! Did you catch Bonham covering ’’Black Dog’’ and adding, like, 14 verses? ’’Craptastically amazing’’ doesn’t even come close! - Bryan Petersen

Yes, Bryan, I absolutely remember when ’’rock really RAWKED!!!’’ The Cult/Bonham tour was in 1990, and I’ll share a funny story about it. I went to see the show in New York (where I was in college) and at the end of Bonham’s set, Jason came back out on stage and said to the crowd, ’’For one night, and one night only! For my father! ’BLACK DOG’!!!!!’’ And then the crowd went wild and they launched into the Zeppelin classic. Fast forward a few nights to the Patriot Center right outside Washington, D.C. (where I was visiting home), and I’m at the show again. (What can I say? Big Cult fan.) Sure enough, at the end of the Bonham set, JB comes out says, ’’For one night, and one night only! For my father! ’BLACK DOG’!!!!!’’ Now that, my friend, is craptastically amazing.

Dalton, first, I’m so glad to find you here. You keep disappearing from the places I’m accustomed to seeing you in the magazine and giving me anxiety attacks that you’ve moved on and I’ll have lost my pop culture soulmate who occasionally makes me shoot Coke out of my nose while reading because he says something I thought only my twisted mind had thought of. Anyway, my question: So glad to hear Brisco County is finally coming to DVD. Any news about Jack of All Trades? - Lisa Rutherford

First off, what kind of ’’coke’’ are we talking about that is shooting out of your nose, Lisa? Because I’m not sure whether to be amused or a bit concerned. As for Bruce Campbell’s Jack of All Trades, its time for DVD release may have come and gone, considering they already put Cleopatra 2525 (its companion show) out. But, as we all know, these days it seems everything comes out eventually, so keep your fingers crossed. As for me and the mag, I’m doing more editing there these days, which is why you haven’t seen my name as much, but keep your eyes peeled - I have some stuff in the works. Maybe. No promises. Remember - I’m lazy.