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From Bronzebeta.com

Drew Goddard - At The Bronze Beta

Monday 3 March 2003, by Webmaster

(Fri Feb 28 04:08:23 2003)
In case you guys are wondering where I stand on the whole 50 Cent/Ja Rule feud, I’m on 50 Cent’s side.
Goddard says:
(Fri Feb 28 04:09:29 2003)
Hey — It says I forgot my password, but I’m fairly certain I remember it. Did Tom Lenk screw something up last night when he drove-by?
Goddamn that Lenk. Damn him to Hell.
Goddard says:
(Fri Feb 28 05:21:04 2003) [Edit/Delete]
Okay, I’m back. I’m dashing in and out between set visits - they’re shooting episode 18 right now on one stage and parts of 17 on another. It’s like Maximum Goddard down there.
First off - thank you, thank you, thank you for all the kind birthday wishes. All of you who wrote me, please know that it means more to me than you’ll know. And all of you who didn’t write me - what the hell’s your problem? I mean, it’s Drew Goddard’s friggin’ birthday. You should be freaking out, for crying out loud. Rot in hell.
Special thank you to the Minions - aww, I love you guys. A goat sacrifice is the greatest gift ever. Seriously. You guys really are better than other people.
Special, special thank you to Dachelle for everything - I don’t deserve you. I got your message - we’ll talk next week after things calm down a bit.
It’s cd Thursday, isn’t it? What’s everyone listening to? Here’s what I got:
Sahara Hot Nights
Nine Inch Nails (ep. 17 was written almost exclusively to ’Mr. Self-Destruct’ - Fury would come into my office and yell "How the hell can you write with Nine Inch Nails playing so loud?!")
Modest Mouse
Queens of the Stone Age (ep.18 owes a lot to ’Regular John.’)
And am I the only one who’s salivating like Doug Petrie when he sees a bag of Bugles for the new AFI album?
Drew Goddard says:
(Fri Feb 28 05:24:08 2003) [Edit/Delete]
Okay, I figured out my password. Thanks Mar.
Turns out you’re not supposed to type your password in the box that says "Email Address."
I haven’t slept much lately.
Drew Goddard says:
(Fri Feb 28 05:28:02 2003) [Edit/Delete]
Okay — here’s what I want to know. Which one of you made out with Rebecca Kirshner in the bathroom at the Posting Board Party?
All she could remember was that he smelled like Vitalis.
Drew Goddard says:
(Fri Feb 28 05:38:50 2003) [Edit/Delete]
So the other day I showed up on set and noticed that the costume department is now dressing Tom Lenk like me. Seriously, we had almost the exactly same clothes on. Which means one of two things:
1. The costume department has decided the character of Andrew needs to look "cooler."
2. Someone said "Now that we’ve got Tom out of that black long underwear shirt, what should we dress him in?" And someone else said, "I don’t know. he should look, you know, like a geek." And then the first person said, "What do geeks dress like?" And then the other person said, "I don’t know - go look at Goddard."
I prefer option #1.
Drew Goddard says:
(Fri Feb 28 06:05:33 2003) [Edit/Delete]
Okay, I was just at set. Man, do I want to spoiler you guys. We’ve got some stuff coming up that’ll tear the paint right off your grandmother.
But alas, I cannot. I shot my mouth off about spoilers being bad, and I can’t turn back now.
Stupid mouth.
Drew Goddard says:
(Fri Feb 28 06:46:56 2003) [Edit/Delete]\
Sorry. Got called down to set. "Drew, help us, help us... we’re lost without you. You are the engine that drives this ship..."
You know how it is.
Drew Goddard says:
(Fri Feb 28 07:06:33 2003) [Edit/Delete]
I’m gonna run back down to set and try to get the cast to say your names onscreen instead of their lines. I made a list. Don’t worry. You’re as good as on.
When I get back, we’ll do a Minion address. Tell your friends.
Drew Goddard says:
(Fri Feb 28 07:53:34 2003) [Edit/Delete]
Oh boy, we got a late night tonight. Apparently we are here 24 hours a day working to bring you the best programming this side of Charmed.
I’ll be back when things die down a bit for a more formal Q & A session. In the meantime, though, here’s a little something to hold my beloved Minions over until my next appearance:
Minions, it is I, you leader. Many of you had the opportunity to view me at the Posting Board Party. Congratulations. That must have been very special for you. It’s not every day your wildest dreams come true. For me, it was a welcome reprieve from the humdrum dealings with those diseased people who do not think I hung the moon. Those people will be dealt with shortly.
We are growing stronger and stronger. Our might makes right. Those that stand in our path will fall, fall, fall. As we spill the blood of many a goat. or give them to needy families, I’m not exactly clear on the details. the Seal of Goddard shines bright over the dark skies of the Planet Earth.
The world will fall to its knees and worship us. It will cry and plead and beg us to grace it with our magnificence. And we will look at it and say "Eat it, world. The Minions have no use for you."
’Cause we’re going to battle. That’s right. Us against the world. Saddle up. Here’s some things to keep in mind:
1. You’re gonna need the following things: an Iron Maiden t-shirt, a pack of Marlboro reds, one of those shovels that’s all little and triangular and fits on a backpack, a bottle of some good strong hootch, NOFX’s Punk in Drublic album, some Vitalis (in case we run into Kirshner,) some toothpicks, a pack of playing cards, compromising photos of Pat Buchanan, a piece of birchwood, and a pair of parachute pants.
2. The world fights dirty. Therefore, we too fight dirty. (Don’t worry about any of that ’if you lower yourself to their level, they win’ crap - they tell you that nonsense to make you obey.) Throw some acid in the world’s eyes, kick it in the crotch, dose its water bottle, weight your gloves. We’re here to win.
3. If the bullet’s coming at me, go ahead and jump in the way. Thanks.
4. As my Minion, you are higher up on the evolutionary scale than other humans. Therefore, when the fire’s coming down and your back’s against the wall, feel free to help yourself to other people’s stuff.
5. Make sure you have a sketch artist draw your portrait at some point. You look nice.
6. All good armies have a battle cry. So, then, do we. "All Hail King Goddard!" It rings out across the land and lights even the darkest of hours. "All Hail King Goddard." Our enemies shake at the sound. "All Hail King Goddard." Women weep with joy. Children dance in the streets. Large Italian men who don’t speak English wonder what’s going on, and we pay them no mind, as they are not part of this story. "All Hail King Goddard." The infidels lay down their arms, the Minions grasp hold of the throne, and a new day is born. "All Hail King Goddard."
A new day is born.
Ultimate Drew