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IESB.NET Serenity Contest Winners

By Stephanie Sanchez

Thursday 2 June 2005, by Webmaster

It was a tough competition with endless entries but we managed to narrow it down to the top 4 greatest Serenity fans on the planet Earth. If you see your submission below you are a proud new owner of a cast autographed photo. On the edge of your seat?

Here they are in no particular order. Special thanks to Simon Fraser from Whedonesque.com who was kind enough to choose the final four.

First up...

Hi there. This is my entry to the "Serenity Contest!" thing. Hope I win... hope I’m not too late! Like most other Firefly fans, I’m a peaceful and thoughtful guy. I prefer atmospheres of Serenity. A Train Job is what it would take to get me to the movie... I live way out of town. You might even say I’m Bushwacked. Our Mrs. Reynolds (my town’s crazy old cat lady) says I’m the quirkiest guy she knows, kinda like Joss Whedon himself! I tell ya... the Shindig I’m throwing the night of Serenity’s release is gonna be a biggun...My hometown is so small and quaint, I’m reminded of it by Jaynestown. And yet I still rode a train all the way into the city to get the DVDs. Doesn’t that say something? The Firefly DVD set I bought months and months ago is Safe with me... not a scratch on anything, and the box still looks great. If I lived in Ariel City, I would go to Serenity several times and pay all the money I have to see it again and again. One time my parents through a picture I drew of the ship Serenity into the Trash... I fished it out but didn’t speak to them for WEEKS! I’d drive to the city for the release of the movie, but I’d run Out of Gas twice before I got there... so I’m taking the train in three days prior and waiting in line. I could tell you some of the War Stories I have about what I went through getting the DVDs...The Message here is that I really AM the most dedicated and caring! Come on, I have a Heart of Gold. True story: I participated and donated quite a bit to the Serenity food drive! I firmly believe that people who have not found the brilliance of Firefly (and more importantly, Joss Whedon in general) are just Objects in Space. That sums it up I think... I really REALLY want to win this! I so desperately want the poster with the signatures... it would complete me, really! I love the show so much and the movie doesn’t even come out here till 2 months after America...Choose me!



wow, I am a huge Firefly fan. below is my submission followed by an explanation of the extra underlined words. thanks for the contest and thanks for reading this.


kevin collins

Being such a huge fan of ‘Firefly’, I wanted to share the joy and spread the word to all that I know and love. After telling all of my relatives, I remembered my great uncle, Monty. A reclusive and nutty man of a sort, Uncle Monty lives with no phone or address, deep in the woods of Montana. “He must know of Firefly”, I thought. “He must”... and so began my journey...I told my girlfriend, Bridgette, of my plan. “I sure could use a companion on my journey dear”, I said. “Go to hell, Kevin. I’ve had it with you and your bizarre ‘Firefly’ obsession. There is a special hell for weirdoes like you”, she said, lovingly, or so I like to think. “Okay, sheesh, I get THE MESSAGE”, I whimpered. “Take my love...” I thought. And so I headed out solo from the east coast in my beater car, Montana or bust. I, the artist, the open road, my canvas. Oh yes. I will make it to Uncle Monty and spread the joy of ‘Firefly’. Oh yes. Well, I got as far as Canton, Ohio, before I ran OUT OF GAS and out of money. Okay, I never said I was a good planner. So I began to run as the sun set over the horizon. Suddenly, not even a mile from my car, I get BUSHWHACKED by three local gangster wannabes. “Give us your money punk”, barked one thug. “Nice knife. Shiny”, I said, “You buy that near here, you puddle o’ piss”. “TRASH talker, huh”, said thug number two, “I know how to deal with your kind”. And so he stabbed my leg, beat me up, took my wallet, and left me stranded on the side of the road. ...Okay, I never said I was smart either. “Yep, that went well”, I thought, huddled and crying in the fetal position. Well I could no longer run due to my newly acquired leg wound. But when you can’t run, you crawl. So I began to crawl for the nearest town ‘til I could crawl no more. And when you can’t crawl anymore, well, ... you find someone to carry you. And so appeared an angel, well, a man. But a man with a HEART OF GOLD. My savior to rescue me from the side of the road. We hopped into his truck and drove off into the night. As we spoke on the drive, I inquired, “Where are you heading, kind sir?”. “JAYNESTOWN”, he replied, “a night’s drive west of here. My name’s Joss. I have a brother, Simon, who works for the railroad who may be able to help you out for the rest of your journey”. Then he proceeded to tell me his many WAR STORIES. None of them exciting, nor heroic, or even interesting, but hey, it was a free ride. To fight the boredom, I gazed out the window at the night sky, watching the OBJECTS IN SPACE. So many stars. “You can’t take the sky from me” I thought. I even think I saw a satellite. If only I had a good book to read. Patience is key. Oh yes, I will find Uncle Monty and share the joy of ‘Firefly’. Oh yes. We arrived at Joss’s brother’s house on Malcolm Road the next morning. I thanked Joss for his stories as he left. His brother, Simon, and I headed into the house. “I’d like you to meet my wife, Vera, and my five daughters, Yolanda, Kaylee, Zoe, Jayne, and my oldest ARIEL”, Simon said, “and I’m Simon, Simon Reynolds. That old woman in the chair there is my dear mother, that’s OUR MRS. REYNOLDS.” “Pleased to meet you all”, I offered. “The pleasure is all mine”, said Ariel, as she gave me the elevator eyes up and down my body. “Me and my friend, Inara, are going to a big party tonight, a toga party, should be fun, do you wanna come with us?” she said. “Well, sounds like a mighty fine SHINDIG”, I said, “but I’m on a long journey that I must complete. I must share the joy of ‘Firefly’ ”. “Let the boy alone, Ariel”, said Simon, “I here you need to get to Montana son. Well we got a train that heads up that way. It ain’t free though. But you could work on the train to pay your fare. So what d’ya say? You want THE TRAIN JOB?” “Boy, do I!” I exclaimed. And so I was on the train, an employee of Alliance Transportation Company. Quite a filthy train, could use a good wash. We traveled the country, stopping here and there. I saw open ranges, valleys, mountains, deserts, farms, cities, even a Sheppard with his flock in this great land of ours. Finally I arrived in Montana. I would have to walk the rest of the way, through the wilderness to find the river that would lead me to my uncle’s cabin. God, let me find this river. Where could the river be? And boy, does it get cold out here in the wilderness. Freezing, I began to get hands of blue. Luckily, I had my knit orange hat to help keep me warm. I braved the elements for miles. I was even attacked by a badger along the way. Alas, I found the river, and made my way up to my uncle Monty’s cabin. “What the hell are you doing boy?” said Uncle Monty. “Uncle Monty!” I yelled as I saw him, “I’m freezing! And there are wild badgers out here!” “Well, you’re SAFE now” he said, “here, put on this brown coat to warm up”. “Why? Why do you live out here secluded Uncle Monty?” I asked. “I like my independence”, he replied, “This is the only place where I can have SERENITY.” And so I finally understood. I really understood. This was HIS serenity. His home. His place that no one could take away. And so I completed my journey, “I’ve come to tell you of ‘Firefly’ and the upcoming ‘Serenity’ movie Uncle. I am the most dedicated fan and want to share the joy with you”. “Oh yeah”, he said “I have that on DVD, great show. And, hey, why didn’t you just call me? I’ve had a phone up here for like over 3 years now”. Yeah, well, I never said I was smart....

NOTES: the words in capital letters underlined are the episode titles. The other underlined words are names and such from the show. All nine main character names are included and more. I will list their explanations below in order they appear in the story:

—Monty - name of Mal’s friend in beginning of “Trash” episode

—Bridgette - Saffron’s other alias in the “Trash” episode

—Companion - Inara’s profession

—Special Hell - the place Book says Mal will go if he takes advantage of Saffron in “Our Mrs. Reynolds” episode

—Take my love - line from Firefly theme song

—Canton - town where Jayne is a hero in “Jaynestown” episode

—Shiny - adjective often used by crew of Serenity

—Puddle of piss - what Jayne calls Badger in “Serenity” episode

—Yep that went well - Mal’s first line in “Trash” episode

—When you can’t run you crawl, etc - quote from “The Message” episode

—Angel - another Joss Whedon created show

—Joss - the creator himself

—Simon - Serenity crew member

—You can’t take the sky from me - line of Firefly theme song

—Book - Sheppard Book of Serenity crew

—Patience - character on Whitefall, in “Serenity” episode

—Malcolm - the Captain himself, Serenity crew member

—Vera - the name of Jayne’s best gun

—Yolanda - another Saffron alias from “Trash” episode

—Kaylee - Serenity crew member

—Zoe - Serenity crew member

—Jayne - Serenity crew member

—Inara - Serenity crew member

—Mighty fine shindig - Mal quote from “Shindig”

—Alliance - controlling government of the verse

—Wash - Serenity crew member

—Sheppard - Sheppard Book, Serenity crew member

—River - Serenity crew member

—Hands of Blue - River describes the men who played with her brain

—Orange Hat - Jayne’s mother knit him one in “The Message” episode

—Badger - character in “Serenity” episode

—Browncoat - nickname of fighters for the Independence

—Independence - name given to rebels against the Alliance


Last but not least...

I awoke this morning from the strangest dream. Surely it held some deep significance, but what was the message? No longer would my subconscious be content with the trash it usually conjures up during my sleeping hours. Now it was on a mission. But a mission for what? Perhaps if I can recall enough specific details, the answer will become apparent. It all began in a railway station. I purchased a ticket at the booth from a man in a robe with a large beard. As I was turning away, I caught a glimpse of his name tag. Moses. Strange, I thought. Even stranger still when I approached a boat-shaped booth and was sold a hot dog by a man named Noah. After a burning bush whacked me on the head with a stick and stole my money, I started to get the gag. "All aboard for Jaynestown!", a voice called from seemingly out of nowhere. Saul took my ticket, and upon boarding the train, Job led me to my car. "Oh, the presidential car, how nice!", I thought. Boy, was I in for a surprise. No more biblical figures here, no, I couldn’t be so lucky. Instead I get George W. Bush and Ariel Sharon tellin’ war stories and discussing a plan to move earths’ population onto a space station, where G.W. would be supreme leader of all mankind. "No one objects in space, or we’ll throw ’em out the airlock", he snickered. I knew there was no way I would be safe here, but as I turned to leave, I heard a creepy little Texan voice whispering over my shoulder. "You can’t stop the signal." What on earth is that supposed to mean? I had no idea, but once he started singing a warbly, off-key version of Neil Young’s "Heart of Gold", I ran as fast and as far as I could. And then, suddenly, the train stopped. "Sorry folks, but we’re out of gas", a voice announced over a loud-speaker. "Out of gas?", I shouted. "But trains don’t run on gas!" "GrrArghh! Quit yer bellyachin’", said a fat man in a pirate costume, "get a move on or yer gonna miss the Shindig! taping, and Jimmy O’Neill waits for no man!" "But Shindig was canceled thirty-nine years ago!", I cried, more and more confused. Before I could take another step, I was accosted by a group of rabid girl scouts selling Our Mrs. Reynolds. brand sugar cookies. "You can’t stop the signal!" "You can’t stop the signal!", they all chanted. "If you don’t do your part, the big J will subject you to the worst torture in the history of mankind!" "Oh, no", I thought. "That could only mean one thing!" "Aliiiiien Resurrectiooooon!!!!!!!!" And then I awoke. And now I understand. You can’t stop the signal, because the browncoats won’t let it be stopped. We will make Serenity - part 1 a huge success, thereby making Serenity - part 2 inevitable. We will take it to the top. We will do the impossible, and that will make us mighty.

Congratulations to all and thank you to everyone that submitted their entries. Stay tuned for further contests and info!

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