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Drew Goddard - Bronze Beta Transcript - 2003/10/14

Thursday 16 October 2003, by Webmaster

Drew Goddard says : (Mon Oct 13 18 :33 :11 2003)

Hey gang. Yep, it’s me. Don’t freak out. I’m not some unapproachable celebrity on a pedestal. I’m just like you, only I write for Angel, I have a severe drug problem, and I take a bath in money every day. What’s happening ?

Drew Goddard says : (Mon Oct 13 19 :07 :48 2003)

Have I mentioned that I missed you guys ? Let’s just get down to business and start answering questions.

Abt - don’t give up just yet. (I’d tell you more but I don’t want to spoil anything.)

K8cre8 - Hi, nice to meet you. Interesting name you got there. Were your parents big fans of license plates ?

Tennis7723 - If it’s up to me, Buffy will definitely be on Angel this year. Definitely, definitely, definitely. Also, if it’s up to me, Steve DeKnight will definitely give me his office and answer my phones by saying "Drew Goddard’s Office. Lil’ Stevie Garbage Pants speaking." Definitely, definitely, definitely.

Halfrek - Yep, your information is correct. I wrote episode seven, and we just finished shooting it. It was fun.

Allyson - yes, you should have introduced yourself. Though I feel like I know you already. And I’m glad you’re liking the season so far.

Tiggy - Tales of ribaldry ? A while back the other writers bet me that I could eat four tubs of beans in ten minutes and I tried it and failed miserably and ended up vomiting in the trash can in front of everyone. Interestingly enough, everyone said it was the sexiest thing they had ever seen. And then David Fury played the lute and wore a crown of leaves.

CD Thursday - new Outcast, The Locust, The Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds, Pixies’ Surfer Rosa. Oh, and episode seven was written entirely to Metallica’s Master of Puppets and The Mars Volta’s Delousing in the Comatorium

Drew Goddard says : (Mon Oct 13 19 :25 :37 2003) Edited : Mon Oct 13 19 :26 :27 2003

Quaint Little Shop Girl — I saved your question for last because it touched me in ways you’ll never know. What did you want to know again...

Oh here it is. Wait — are you asking me for spoilers ? You should know better.

But okay,I’ll give you a little taste... if you like luchadors, werewolves, or people urinating all over the place, boy are you in for a treat.

And let’s be honest... who doesn’t like all three of those things ?

I’ll tell you who — Jerks. That’s who.

Drew Goddard says : (Mon Oct 13 20 :41 :29 2003)

Okay everybody, gotta fly. Be back soon. Now, if you’re not one of my Minions, stop reading.

Minions, your leader is speaking. Our plan moves forward at breakneck speed. By this time next year we shall most likely have an ice-skating rink named after us. Once that falls... victory is in our grasp ! The world shall tremble.

We now work for Angel. What does this mean, you ask ? How does this change our Minion duties ? Well, Minions, I’m glad you asked.

As we spend time in this new lair, here are some things to keep in mind :

1.) Though the shows exist within the same universe, Angel is not Buffy. Both shows carry a similar sensibility, true, but Angel’s noir-influences and redemption-based mythology allow the show to explore places Buffy never could. Therefore, it is important that I, Drew Goddard, remain as awesome as ever.

2.) When Angel experiences a moment of true happiness, he turns into Angelus and butchers people. When I experience a moment of true happiness, everybody gets free pony rides and a mug. Now, with that in mind, who should we be making happy ?

3.) You are my Minions, and now we have Angel on our already impressive resume. Therefore, when you’re filling out your health insurance forms at the doctor’s office and they ask for your insurance card, give them a picture of me and say, "Xerox this, you hosebag !"

4.) Go find a reflective surface and have a look at yourself. Nice, right ? Yep. Nice.

5.) Doug Petrie does not work on Angel. So you don’t have to keep sending him "Drew Goddard will destroy you" letters. Send those to Fury.

6.) Somebody should organize a picnic where they barbecue and play that game with a parachute and a giant World Ball and then we should go to that picnic and take all their stuff and make fun of them.

Hosebags beware.

Ultimate Drew

^ Drew Goddard says : (Mon Oct 13 19 :51 :36 2003)

Captain Chaos - Cordy and Willow... hmm...

Halfrek - Minion address... hmm...

Princess of Darkness - I don’t know the Mutant Enemy address, to be honest. But I bet the Fox website can tell you. Or at least it’ll give you a phone number for someone you can call and ask. And I name the first "Lloyd."

Holy Water - which celebrities do you want to talk to ? I mean, I’m right here, for crying out loud.

Tennis7723 - You have an Asian Art History Midterm to study for ? Man, I can’t help you with that at all. Wait - my agent is Asian. Does that help ?

Okay, let’s do a Minion address...